Volatile
by RockSunner
Summary: An AU from The Grim Grotto. What if Fiona, Fernald, and the Baudelaires had all escaped Olaf's submarine together? One shot. Mild spoilers for Book the 12th.


This is an AU set during "The Grim Grotto." The Baudelaires, Fernald, and Fiona had a chance to escape from Olaf's submarine together. What would have happened if they did? All characters belong to Daniel Handler, not me. There are mild spoilers for Book the 12th here.

**Volatile**

"_Now let's begin my whole wonderful song all over again_!" sang Carmelita, twirling around and around.

One of the snow-scouts had had enough. She stuck out a foot and Carmelita fell on her face.

"How dare you trip that precious little girl!" said Esmé, rushing to Carmelita's side. "Darling, are you hurt?"

"I'm not a little girl, I'm a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian."

The distraction was a perfect opportunity. The Baudelaires, Fiona, and Fernald slipped out of the room and down the hallway to the Queequeg. In no time they had the submarine out of the Carmelita and speeding away.

"Free from Olaf at last!" said Fernald with glee. "That tap-dancing brat was the last straw. I had half a mind to steal Olaf's submarine and go freelance, but being captain of the family sub is even better!"

"I'm the captain," said Fiona. "Aye!"

"Could you please discuss that later? Sunny's cough is getting worse," said Klaus. "We have to find some way to help her!"

"I've been thinking about that," Fiona said. "Aye. I remember reading in my mycological research library that horseradish will dilute the poison of the Medusoid Mycelium. Wasabi will, too. Aye. Do you still have that tin you picked up in the grotto?"

All three Baudelaires hugged Fiona after the wasabi did its work.

"Saved me!" said Sunny happily. Then she lay down on the floor. "Tuckered."

"Thank you, Fiona," said Klaus.

"We'll never forget what you did for Sunny," said Violet.

Fernald was the only one near the telegraph when a Volunteer Factual Dispatch arrived. He shredded the paper with his hooks and hid the shreds in his pocket. Then he walked over to the others.

"Like I told you, I have some good ideas where to go next," he said. "While I was a prisoner of the man with a beard and no hair and the woman with hair and no beard, I heard them talking about how they were going to attack a flying mobile home. They plotted the course it would take, and I think I could find it."

"We can help Duncan and Isadora!" said Klaus.

"That's a really good idea, Fernald," said Violet warmly.

They all ate birthday cake to celebrate the escape from Olaf, the saving of Sunny, and the chance to rescue the Quagmires (not to mention Violet's fifteenth birthday).

When they surfaced where Fernald thought they would intercept the course of the Deus Ex Machina, they found a large sailboat already there, its deck piled with crates. Suddenly a familiar figure stepped out from behind a crate.

"Stepfather!" called Fiona.

"Fiona! Aye! Fernald! Aye! And the Baudelaires!" called Captain Widdershins. "It's an ill wind that blows no one good. Aye! No, I mean it's a good wind that blows no ill at all. Aye! Good to see you again!"

"What are you doing here?" Fiona asked.

"It's a mission. Aye!" said Widdershins. "V.F.D. is a bit stretched right now, with the big Thursday meeting. Aye! A woman came in this boat, dived down to the Queequeg, and told me they needed help with the self-sustaining hot air mobile home. It can't come down, you see? Aye! This ship is equipped to bring it down."

"Why didn't you leave a note?" asked Fiona. "I was so worried."

"If I stopped to leave a note, that would be hesitating," said Widdershins. "Aye! And he or she who hesitates is lost!"

"Please don't ever do that again," said Fiona. "It's not hesitating to tell the ones you love where you are."

Phil bounded out of the cabin. "This is so wonderful! The whole family together again, and I just spotted the airship coming this way."

The Baudelaires got on board the sailing vessel and waved to the Quagmires and Hector as they approached.

"I'll fire a cable up to them," said Widdershins. "Yell up to them to attach it to the mobile home and we'll winch them down."

Soon the Quagmires and Hector were on deck. While the Baudelaires caught them up on everything that had happened, Widdershins, Fernald, and Fiona talked quietly among themselves on the other end of the ship.

"We met your brother Quigley in the Mortmain Mountains," said Violet excitedly. "He's alive!"

"We know, we got a Volunteer Factual Dispatch from him," said Isadora. "Sorry for the way he behaved."

"What do you mean?" asked Klaus. "He was perfectly nice."

"He was suspicious of you when you didn't give the right response to 'I didn't know this was a sad occasion'," said Duncan. "He thought you were Olaf's recruits and he told you a pack of lies."

"He's been a trained volunteer from age two, but it's a closely-kept secret," said Isadora. "So he pretended to you that he just stumbled into knowing things."

Violet was very unhappy to hear this. Had his affection been part of his act? She didn't dare to ask.

"But he realized in the end that you were noble, just like we did," said Duncan.

Just then, Widdershins, Fernald, and Fiona came up from behind Hector, Duncan, and Isadora and grabbed them!

"Good work, Baudelaires," said Fernald. "You got them to come down peacefully. We didn't have to use the eagles in the crates."

"What?" cried Isadora. "You betrayed us?"

"Aye, without knowing it," said Widdershins.

The Baudelaires looked at the three in horror as they pushed their prisoners into a cabin and locked them in.

"Fiona?" Klaus gasped. "What is going on?"

"They say our family is volatile, that we've never been sure what side of the schism to be on," said Fiona. "But now we know. It's the opposite side of Kit Snicket. I just found out from Fernald that she's responsible for the loss of his hands!"

"That's what the diving woman told me, too," said Widdershins. "That's why we've all joined her side. Aye!"

"We'll lock these V.F.D. agents up until the woman with hair and no beard gets here," said Fernald. "She'll decide what to do with them. She'll be happy we captured the self-sustaining hot air mobile home intact, thanks to you."

"NO!" cried the Baudelaires together.

"You can still join us," said Fiona. "You're not really volunteers for them yet. They lied to you and didn't help you when they could have."

"Never," said Sunny. Klaus and Violet also shook their heads.

"You're too tricky to keep here as prisoners," said Fernald. "But Fiona begged for us to spare you, so we'll give you a lifeboat with food and water for a few days. With luck a ship will come by before it runs out."

Fiona ran to Klaus. "I'm sorry, Klaus. When you think of me, think of a food you love very much." She gave him a gentle kiss on the mouth.

As the ship sailed away over the horizon, leaving them alone in the lifeboat, Klaus continued to watch it, blinking hard to shut out the tears.


End file.
